I've gone through seasons of sadness before, but these past few weeks it wasn't really sadness it was frustration. An extended period of frustration was new to me. My poor husband didn't know what to do with me I'm sure. I was flat out grumpy and unfortunately Jay and Ansley bore the brunt of it. I know I'm 28 and I'm supposed to be on my way to living the life that I was meant to live, but I still feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. It's not for lack of trying, trust me!
I have always said I know a little about a lot of things, but I don't know a lot about anything. I said it just a couple of days ago to a fellow soccer parent at Ansley's practice and I got the typical response of someone trying to encourage me that what I said wasn't true. I don't think that to throw a pity party for myself, I just honestly think it's true. My mother says it makes me well rounded. HA! I really am grateful for a Mom who tries to turn my lemons into lemonade (so to speak). But I was reminded today in God's word that the truth is he created me that way fully knowing it and completely on purpose!
The story in John 6 about Jesus taking the 5 loaves and 2 fish and feeding the multitudes, we all know it, yes? Jesus basically asks the disciples the question, where are we going to get the food? It says he already knew what he was going to do in the situation. So for me Jesus is asking, how are you going to obey me and reach out to the multitudes? Just like the disciples I feel ill-equipped and intimidated.
In the words of Beth Moore...
"A miracle occurs every single time one solitary person offers everything he or she has to Christ. You may think you have so little to give, but if you surrender your all to Him, ultimately He will touch multitudes in ways you may never know.... (The boy) had so little yet offered all he had. And Christ blessed it and multiplied it many times over. He'll do it every time."
I love that she said, He'll do it every time. Today I'm feeling ok about my inadequacies because I serve a God who makes much with little. Later on Beth continues to say...
"The feeding of the five thousand account concludes with Christ's words, "Let nothing be wasted" Beloved, when you surrender yourself entirely to Christ, nothing will be wasted. Not one aggravation. Not one tribulation. Not one celebration. Not one single breath of your life."
I guess I knew that, but to read today that my aggravations would not be wasted was huge! I knew that my life as whole would not be wasted... that God has a plan and purpose in all things... but after a season of frustration that, honestly, has the potential to continue to be frustrating for an unknown length of time, I needed to hear that even that isn't wasted. Thank you, Lord! Help me to trust you to be the strength in my weakness and to be ok with not seeing immediate harvests from the labor I'm in the midst of.
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."